Carole is available for bi-coastal house calls, speaking engagements anywhere, phone consults nationally and internationally. She also sees patients by appointment at Westside Veterinary Center in Manhattan. Her newly-released book (Dec. 2007) is The Complete Guide To Understanding And Caring For Your Cat. Her recently released CD of spoken cat advice and soothing music is Caring For Your Cat, The Wilbourn Way.
Come back to Carole's home page monthly for cat news and Carole's most recent replies to behavior inquiries from worried cat guardians. To have this home page emailed to you after the story update, click here. You will receive this exact page by email, and it will link you to the other pages in her site, and to the rest of the IDA web site.
CATS ON THE COUCH, July - August ’08
THE MESSAGE IS IN THE SUBTEXT
My cat, Orion, sometimes accompanies me to my one-on-one lessons at the Apple Store. It’s a short walk from my apartment, and we travel well together. He usually stretches out beside my Mac, poses for photos, and welcomes the recognition he receives from passer-bys. But there are times when he’ll sit up, dart a look my way, and plop down behind my computer. His change in position is a reaction to my reaction. When I have difficulty with a lesson, Orion is affected by my angst and re-positions himself accordingly. He becomes a telling barometer of my learning process.
ZAK KEEPS ATTACKING ZOE, HELP!
Hi Carole,
I adopted my two cats four years ago from a shelter as kittens. Zoe, who is solid white, was adopted first and Zak, a month later. For the first year they got along great. But with each passing year, the animosity between them has grown.
Zak is the aggressor. He attacks Zoe viciously. I cannot leave them alone for any prolonged period of time. Zoe has suffered from severe stress that resulted in a life threatening illness.
I have tried everything that I can think of. I have given Zak extra attention or giving Zoe extra attention. A spray bottle with water hasn’t worked.
Zak and Zoe mean the world to me. They have served as my grief-therapy in the last several years. I cannot give one of them up. Do you have any suggestions?
Elaine M.
Hello Guardian Elaine,
It’s no fun living with unhappy cats. Zak’s aggressive behavior is stressful for Zoe, , who is already physically impaired, is trying for you and Zak, too, must be undone. True, he is the feud monger, but deep down inside, Zak is anxious, fearful and insecure. This fragile or sensitive spot was always there. Something happened to exacerbate these feelings, and they manifested in fight. Poor Zoe became his tension target.
There are various elements that may have contributed to Zak’s behavior. They could include feline rivalry, Zoe’s physical problem, your personal situations and any living changes in the past couple of years. A change doesn’t have to be recent to affect behavior. It can be an accumulation of circumstances that sometimes suddenly set off a behavior problem such as Zak’s. Elaine, you might, also, want to have him checked out by a vet to rule out any medical issues that might contribute to his hostility with Zoe.
Elaine, Here are some recommendations to help modify Zak’s hostile behavior:
- Leave them together for short periods of time. This avoids the chance of angst increase and Zak attacks. Always separate them while interactions are peaceful to establish positive patterns. Don’t wait until there’s a flare-up.
- Engage them in short periods of interactive play to create a harmonious feeling.
- Offer them catnip a few times a week if it helps to work out their energy and ultimately relaxes them.
- Don’t keep them together if you are having an anxious or stressful time. You don’t want them to mirror your angst. However, let them hang out with you when you’re relaxing or exercising. Many cats love to join in when their guardian meditates, does yoga, Pilates and other nurturing activities.
- Mention Zak’s name WHENEVER you interact with Zoe so he feels included—even if he isn’t in sight. When he feels left out, he directs this angst towards Zoe in attack mode.
Zak may be a bully externally but internally, his self- esteem is low. So complimenting him and making him feel special is a recovery bullet.
- Credit Zak whenever you praise Zoe, e.g. “Zoe, you’re so very pretty. Zak, you have such good taste in companions.
It’s not that they understand your words but they are extremely sensitive to your body language and tone of voice. If Zoe should start to feel left out, you can mention her name whenever you interact with Zak.
- Don’t tell them they should be friends. Cats don’t respond to dictators. You want to seduce them, not lecture them.
- You could stack half screens or kitty gates across a doorway so they can interact without physical harm. It’s a good way to release their pent-up angst without physical contact.
Time and repetition are often the keys to eventual success. A homeopathic remedy or anti-anxiety drug may be needed in conjunction to this behavioral program.
Elaine, you can, also, refer to my book and CD at the top of this page. Last but not at all least, do things to nurture yourself, and tell Zoe and Zak that you’re safe, you’re all safe. They will be affected by your reassurance because as you speak, you will be communicating good feelings. Celebrate happiness!
SUCCESS WITH THE SCRATCHING POST
Hello Carole,
Thank you so much. I have re-subscribed to your newsletter and am looking forward to receiving it again.
To update you, I have followed your advice and have seen a noticeable improvement. Sweet Pea is starting to use the scratching post again, although not 100%. But I have faith he will get there. I think you were right about his feeling of not enough attention.
Sweet Pea was a stray that came to my house almost two years ago. It took me over a year to gain his confidence so that he would allow me to touch him. Once I could touch him and pick him up, I immediately took him to the vet to have him neutered. I was very relieved that he didn’t have a setback from the surgery and time away. But instead he became the most loving cat I have ever had. He is so very attached to me, and only me. He literally goes around the house searching for me if I am out of his sight for any length of time-- unless he is entertaining himself bird and squirrel watching from the downstairs patio windows.
He does have a buddy named Sammy who is twice his size. It's like Mutt and Jeff seeing them together. But they get along well and seem to enjoy playing together and watching the wildlife. Thanks again for such a wonderful website. It is the best!!
Judy V., Rome Ga.
Hello Guardian Judy,
Thank you for your update on Sweet Pea’s progress. You’re an inspiration to other guardians with this problem. I’m convinced that with your help that Sweet Pea will ignore your furnishings and become post/s exclusive. A variety of posts with surfaces he prefers will pump up his post progress.
(Refer to June ’08 archives for question on FURNITURE CLAWING.)
ELLA HATES MY BOYFRIEND
Hi Carole,
What can I do to convince my wonderful, spayed cat Ella to be at least tolerant with my boyfriend? She meows angrily whenever he speaks to me and frequently leaves the room.
Thanks,
Leah
Hi Guardian Leah,
It sounds like Ella wants you all to herself and treats your boyfriend as “the interloper”. She can sense your attraction for each other and feels left out and blue. But this feeling turns to anger, and he becomes the enemy. Why not have your boyfriend bring her presents (even if you provide them), and be sure to talk about Ella when he arrives. This will provide an Ella friendly segue to other conversation topics. Repetition and consistency of these techniques should provide the influence Ella needs to slowly accept and trust your boyfriend.
Prevent The Ebb And Flow Of Stress With My New CD
Remember that your cat can mirror your stress. My CARING FOR YOUR CAT—THE WILBOURN WAY CD will help to relax both you and your cat. Listen with your cat/s for instruction, relaxation and increased good guardian-companion energy. Click on to my site (http://www.thecattherapist.com/caring4yourcat.htm) and order now.
Guardians, Learn to Think Like a Cat!
My cat, Orion, and I were speakers at the NYC Cat Acatemy that was overflowing with feline guardians. It was a fun-filled catmosphere.
The Meow Mix Cat Acatemy has now finished their annual national tour. If you were unable to attend the Acatemy in person, you can learn to think like a cat with cat napping and my other online lessons. Score well on the aptitude test and you can get your online degree. The more you think like a cat, the better your feline relationship will be. You may need a little help from your cat. But won't your cat be proud of your choice in higher education where the tuition is free? Click here (http://www.meowmix.com/acatemy/lessons.htm) to participate in the fun.
Feed Homeless Cats for Free
Find out how you can help feed homeless animals for free with a simple click (http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3).
Oscar the Cat Predicts Death
Oscar is the feline resident at a nursing home in Providence, Rhode Island who seems to have predicted the deaths of 25 of the residents. In case after case, when he has curled up next to someone, it usually means they have less than four hours of life left. I was interviewed about Oscar by NBC-TV.
Read all about Oscar on their site. To watch my video, click here.
TEST YOUR CAT’S APTITUDE
Click on to meowmix.com
CLICK ON TO YOUTUBE TO VIEW A FREE CONSULTATION