My column will appear online the second week of every month.
If you have a question guardians, please send an email to Carole. Scroll down to see my column. I can't answer every email I receive, so please check the archives. Your answer may be already there.
“Carole, Bird hates blue and this is brand new,” said Cindy. “The Humane Society of New York gave me your name and told me you were the person to contact.”
Cindy explained that she had taken Blue to the vet and when she returned home with him, Bird threw herself at him and he had to run for shelter. She separated them and later Bird appeared to accept him again. But that was short lived. After a few repeats, she decided she needed professional help.
I advised Cindy to keep them separate and scheduled a house call. When I arrived at Cindy’s apartment, Bird, a stunning, three-year-old, spayed calico was in the bedroom and Blue, a handsome, gray and white neutered male, was in the living room.
Bird and Blue were adopted as kittens and had played together, slept together and hung out together. But now Bird was acting like the Wicked Witch of the West and Blue was totally bewildered. “Whatever got into Bird? She’s still herself with me but she’s dreadful with poor Blue,” said Cindy.
I explained to Cindy that Blue arrived home with hospital scents, perhaps somewhat anxious, and Bird was threatened by this combination. She decided to resort to “fight” instead of “flight.” Yes, she was going to wipe out this unwanted threat. As far as she was concerned, this was not the Blue she knew. Once she got started, she couldn’t stop, except for short intervals. She couldn’t release the fury and sustain a peaceful demeanor. I refer to this behavior as post-vet-angst.
“So what do I do? How do I get them to be buddies again?” Cindy asked.
I told Cindy she should do revolving rooms with them during the day, but to allow Bird to sleep with her at bedtime since she was “the out of control” cat. Luckily, the doors to the bedroom were glass and they led into the living room, so the two cats were able to see each other without having physical contact.
I instructed Cindy to place their food and water on either side of the doors so they would be visible to each other while eating. The more they saw each other, the better it would be.
Cindy should try to play with them through the doors so they could interact with each other but still be distracted enough by the game.
Whenever she was with Blue, she should mention Bird’s name, and vice versa with Bird. It was very important that she announce when she was going to visit each cat so neither would feel she was sneaking about.
I reminded Cindy to play the CD I used during their session to recreate their therapy. The CD would be their security object.
Cindy called the next day to tell me she couldn’t get them to play together on either side of the door but the two cats did observe each other. A few days passed and Cindy felt they were much calmer. “When can I allow them to be together?” she wanted to know.
“This is only the beginning,” I said. “They need some more time.”
That evening I had a message from Cindy. “Bird managed to dart out of the bedroom but I was able to grab her before she got to Blue. This was an hour ago and he’s still under the sofa. Now I can see that they need more time,” she added.
Two weeks later the dust had finally settled and Cindy was able to open the bedroom doors so they could mingle together in the living room. I told her that the meetings should be short and they should be separated before they had a chance to become agitated. Another two weeks passed that were filled with many such meetings that eventually grew longer and longer.
When Bird walked over to Blue and licked him on his face, Cindy knew Blue was forgiven. She was sure they would soon be sleep-mates again.
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Dear Carole Wilbourn:
Tinkerbell is our baby. She is 6 months old and we just had her spayed a month ago. I almost wish I had her de-clawed as she has started attacking me. I don't have any severe wounds but it was not pretty to see her behave like that. I got a bit scared. Both times that this happened, I had company over.
My 17 year old daughter mentioned to me today that Tinkerbell does bite her hands and feet when she’s ignored. I just would like to get a second opinion about the jealousy thing. I was petting her both times and also speaking to my company when she attacked me. She was responding by rubbing her head affectionately. Suddenly she was biting and scratching with her ears back and her hind legs digging me like she was riding a bicycle. It was almost comical but it hurt. She climbs and rides my shoulders but it goes from affectionate to biting my back, almost like she can’t help it. (Reminds me of how she can’t help but to bite my foam rubber Pilate's mat and does the same to Velcro.) Not the full attack that I got in front of my company, who, when it happened, was ooooing and ahhhing about how sweet she is to them and especially myself. Please help.
Lisa
Dear Guardian Lisa,
So very glad you didn’t have Tinkerbell declawed. That would have only increased her angst and your wounds. She is a young, athletic cat who becomes easily over-stimulated. When this happens, she resorts to aggressive behavior. Her attacks were classic examples.
Lisa, to avoid this build up of energy, stroke Tinkerbelle briefly. If her tail flicks, back ripples, or ears flatten, these are signs of agitation or angst. Company may excite her, so you could keep her separate after you’ve introduced her.
However, a feline companion may be the best solution for Tinkerbell’s problem. A companion would give her the opportunity to work out her high energy in a positive way.
You can refer to my archives, 3/25/05, Remi’s Farewell, for my kitten introduction. Tinkerbelle may do well with a young, very playful male. My book, THE TOTAL CAT, will give you more information on the best match.
However, if your cat would prefer to stay indoors, follow his lead. His emotional welfare is important.
What's With Our Male Cat, And I'm Worried About Our Female?
Hi Carole Wilbourn,
On occasion, our neutered male cat will get a scent, most likely female pheromones, from our two spayed females. When this happens, he opens his mouth panting in a kind of daze, fangs sticking out. I have seen him do this if he sniffs underwear in the laundry room. I was sorting the wash once when he kept going back over to the dirty underwear panting. What’s your read on his behavior?
My second question concerns my eight year old. She has been diagnosed with a thyroid problem, but can't take the medication. When we try to medicate her, she starts throwing up regularly. My vet is aware of this and suggests just letting her live out her life without the meds. She is very skinny and fragile, weighing 5.6 pounds. She still purrs, still grooms herself, and doesn't sleep abnormally long. She has lost her hearing and can only eat soft food. My concern is if I am keeping her alive for myself? Am I being selfish? How can I tell if it is time to put her down? Her weight is what worries me the most.
Any advice would be most appreciated. Thanks for having a website for us nervous Nelly pet guardians.
Cathy
Dear Guardian Cathy,
Well you have one sexy male cat who is overcome by odiferous scents. Good for him that he’s so easily and harmlessly aroused.
As for your female cat, you can arrange to have the medication compounded into a tasty, edible paste. There’s a pharmacy on my site that will do this. Another option may be to give her the medication trans-dermally. Sounds like her biological needs are answered fairly well and if she can get her medication regularly, her life may be comfortably maintained. Thanks for caring for your dear cat.
Peanut Must Lose Weight
Dear Carole,
I have a cat named Peanut and she is as sweet as can be, very lovable and playful, but a little overweight according to my vet. When a co-worker took her in and kept her on his porch for awhile, he would leave a bowl of dry food out. Since she needs to lose weight, my vet told me to restrict her food intake and give her 1/3 of a cup of food a day, which I usually split and give her morning and night. But she is constantly hungry and begs no matter what time of day, whether she has just eaten or not. She frequently throws up the food she eats, and I'm not sure if it’s because she doesn't have many teeth and doesn't chew it or if she just eats it too fast. She refuses to eat wet food, as I've tried many times. She also has been tested for diabetes. My vet just told me to try feeding her from a large plate so that the food is spread out more and she doesn't eat it all at once - tried it and she still throws it up. When my co-worker had her, she was quite thin the whole time (6 months) even though food was out for her all the time. Does she think I'm not going to feed her again? Does she need to have food in the bowl all the time? I don't want her to gain more weight and develop diabetes, so I don't know what to do. I feel bad for her since she literally cries for food constantly. What should I do???? Please help!!!
Erica
Dear Guardian Erica:
Whew! Such a small amount of food but I realize it’s necessary for her to lose those extra pounds. Sometimes cats will eat veggies such as broccoli and green beans. Other cats will eat melon. These foods are all low in calories so you could try them out—either raw or cooked. If she likes them, proceed slowly so she doesn’t get diarrhea.
Sounds like she upchucks because she inhales her food. Divide the food up and spread on several plates. You might try to stroke or brush her between portions. Perhaps daily walks on a harness would provide some exercise for her. Play dates with a cat-friendly dog would also be a diversion from food. My CD would help to relax her. May she shed those pounds without too much more frustration.
He Wants To Mate And She Doesn't
Carole, help!
Our neighbors moved away and left their female cat. She is about one year old. We live in the country so she stays outdoors most of the time but visits me for food. I took her to the vet to have her spayed about two weeks ago. There is also a very skittish male cat that seems to hang out with her. I don't know if he was left by the neighbors or has always been wild. The problem is that he has become aggressive towards the female cat and acts like he wants to mate with her. He is becoming more and more aggressive. Will he hurt the female cat? I have been trying to keep the female in the garage hoping he would become discouraged and leave. Any suggestions?
Dev
Dear Guardian Dev:
So kind of you to step in where your neighbors “slipped.” It’s terrific your new cat is now spayed. Sounds like her estranged male companion is acting like the tom cat he is and is baffled and frustrated by his now “spayed” female companion. He, of course, is hot to trot and she now has other interests.
Would it be possible for you to have the male neutered? You could use a humane trap if he is “unavailable.” There might even be a neighborhood rescue group that could assist you. His hormonal level should drop within two or three weeks after his surgery. He may still have the mating urge but it won’t be so dramatic and the two cats can resume their “buddy” relationship.
Reggie Smacks Me In The Face
Carole,
My cat Reggie, who is my love. is about two years old now and rules the roost. We had another cat when we got him, who we still have, but Reggie’s my baby. In January we adopted another male cat, named Sebastian, and they get along great—or they do most of the time. They do scuffle and spar, but it seems to be all in play. By the way, all three of our cats are neutered.
My husband works for the SPCA, however, and we have been fostering many kittens this spring. This has brought about some disagreeable changes in Reggie. He is very angry about the kittens being in the house. They are kept in an office that our cats don’t have access to, and our cats are quarantined from them. Of course he knows they’re here though, and growls when he hears them. If I go in or out of the office, he growls at me. It has gotten to the point that I’ve made the kittens my husband’s responsibility and won’t handle them because it upsets Reggie so much.
But it has advanced from there. Reggie lashes out at Sebastian from time to time, and growls and hisses at everyone, including our dogs, when he’s in one of his moods. The worst part is he’s started smacking me in the face. We built an outdoor enclosure so our cats could have access to the out of doors, and I have to carry him out to it. He is comfortable being carried, as I tend to tote him around a lot.
He loves going outside and reminds me about it every two minutes, but if Sebastian is in the enclosure, he hisses and growls. He hasn’t actually scratched me, but he’s smacked me in the face about five times and I’m afraid he will again soon. Of course it breaks my heart, too, because he’s unhappy. I give him special treatment by loving and brushing him and I take him for walks every night alone in his Kittywalk stroller. Any suggestions on how to diffuse his anger and continue to foster kittens?
P.S. He even strikes out at his companion rabbit Thumper.
Kristie
Dear Guardian Kristie:
This “kitten competition” is throwing your Reggie over the edge. There’s natural competition when you have more than one cat—it goes with the territory. But the transient kitten population has caused Reggie to strike out at you and Sebastian. Perhaps we can fill in the dots and Reggie will decide to allow the kittens to share his turf.
Here are some recommendations to chip away at Reggie’s jealousy and angst:
- Start to tell Reggie that he is such a generous and gracious host. “Of course, we’ll take care of the kittens for you because you have so much to do.” He won’t understand your words, but your tone of voice and body language will convey that he’s in charge and your husband and you are his assistants. He’ll feel that he’s in the loop, in charge of the loop, and this will slowly relieve his painful, uncomfortable feelings that are reflected in his “fight” response.
The kittens have filled him with flashbacks of when he didn’t have enough, and he becomes fearful that the kittens will deprive him of having his wants and needs satisfied. Although the kittens are his tension targets, this tension has spread to you and his companions.
- Whenever your husband visits and treats the kittens, he should verbalize his actions and mention Reggie’s name e.g. “Okay Reggie, I’m going in to take care of the kittens for you. The better they feel, the better you’ll feel.” Also, whenever you talk about the kittens, mention Reggie’s name. For example, “Reggie, what a wonderful power of example you are.” Don’t try to sneak anything past him. He’s keeping score!
- Wrap Reggie in a large blanket whenever you carry him outdoors so he can’t swipe at or smack your face. The blanket can also become his security object.
You should begin to notice some changes in Reggie’s demeanor in several days. If there isn’t any improvement within two weeks, it may be best to put the kitten refuge on hiatus for several months. At that time you could start again and use these recommendations. But I do hope that Reggie unloads his animosity. “You can do it Reggie!”
Amazon Continues To Look The Other Way
Why is it that Amazon continues to sell books on ANIMAL FIGHTING? Can their business be that bad?
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Stroll With Your Cats
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You should begin to notice some changes in Reggie’s demeanor in several days. If there isn’t any improvement within two weeks, it may be best to put the kitten refuge on hiatus for several months. At that time you could start again and use these recommendations. But I do hope that Reggie unloads his animosity. “You can do it Reggie!”>Carole's Newsletter - "The Wilbourn Way"
The Wilbourn Way Newsletter is Carole's free email newsletter, which brings you Carole's personal view on cat culture monthly..
Feral Cats
Saturday, September 9, in San Francisco, the third annual National Feral Cat Summit will take place. You don't want to miss the only conference in the U.S. devoted exclusively to feral cats. Click on to neighborhoodcats.org for details.
Feral Cats
You may even be the guardian of a feral cat—so you're aware of the beauty they possess. My late cat, Ziggy-Star-Dust was a feral kitten and the cure for my anxious, reformed attack cat, Sunny-Blue. After Sunny passed-on, Star-Dust took on many of his Sunny's traits—particularly, Sunny's Siamese cry. He was nine years old at the time but lived until seventeen. He taught me so many things, including patience and loyalty.
There is a chapter on feral cats in my book, THE TOTAL CAT, click on to my site, thecattherapist.com, for more info. You can also refer to the archives for my column, click on to Archives at top of page. There are articles from 11/04, 1/05, 11/15/05.
Let us all be socially responsible for feral cats on behalf of our own cats.
Remember, please add a picture of your cat along with your cat questions.
