Carole is available for bi-coastal house calls, speaking engagements anywhere, phone consults nationally and internationally. She also sees patients by appointment at Westside Veterinary Center in Manhattan. Her latest book is The Complete Guide To Understanding And Caring For Your Cat. Her recently released CD of spoken cat advice and soothing music is Caring For Your Cat, The Wilbourn Way.
Come back to Carole's home page monthly for cat news and Carole's most recent replies to behavior inquiries from worried cat guardians. To have this home page emailed to you after the story update, click here. You will receive this exact page by email, and it will link you to the other pages in her site, and to the rest of the IDA web site.
THE WILBOURN WAY (AKA Cats on the Couch) June, 2010
THE MESSAGE IS IN THE SUBTEXT
SUBTLE STRAIGHT TALK
Happy is Orion as he snoozes to "South Pacific." But as I’ve been playing the CD continuously, it may be Orion's way of telling me "it" needs a rest. A cat's straight talk is often a tad subtle.
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY IN THE WHITE HOUSE
(Orion, a former rescue, will represent cats and offer nuggets of wisdom regarding Beau, the rescued First Dog—a Portuguese Water Dog.)
EVERY BITE COUNTS
When it comes to losing weight, it’s so easy to say tomorrow will be the day. Orion wants Bo to be the poster pup for the First Lady's Let's Move campaign to fight childhood obesity. The slogan could be:
Don't wait to lose weight!
ERNIE HAS NONSTOP DESTRUCTION DERBYS
"Ernie's moved in with my parents' cat, and Emma is beaming," was a recent phone message. It's all about chemistry I thought to myself as I recalled their therapy session and subsequent progress reports. Emma, seven years old, spayed, and mellow, is not always in the play mode, whereas Ernie, two years old and neutered, prefers continuous play. His need for constant recreational gratification led to destruction. Ernie created his own surrogate playmates—torn up pillows, overturned litter box, and many lamps on the floor. One of my recommendations to bridge the gap—Ernie’s frustration—was to arrange for play dates with a neighbor’s cat, maybe even sleepovers. Louise, his guardian, was able to arrange a few dates and there was a slight improvement. Shortly after, she had to go away and decided to leave Ernie with her parents who lived around the corner. Emma’s favorite cat sitter would stay in the apartment while Louise was away. The rest is history. Ernie moved in with his ideal significant other. He now has continuous play dates, and Emma's days are peaceful and very much to her liking.
OUR CAT REJECTS MY HUSBAND
Hi Carole,
My three-year-old cat has become terrified of my husband. We adopted her as a rescue kitten. At first she was very jumpy but would play with us for hours. She has slowly warmed up to me as well as to visitors. But she hisses and growls at my husband whenever he tries to pet or talk to her. She runs away pooping all over the place. His reaction is to put her in the bathroom or squirt her with a water bottle. Why is she like this and what should we do? He is so upset and hurt by her behavior. Is there some way to change her reaction to him?
Thanks,
Laura and James
Hi Guardians Laura & James,
So sorry your husband is the only man "out." Sounds like your kitty became upset with a noise, sound, or movement not necessarily related to you, James, but you became her tension target. I can totally understand that you feel sad and maybe even annoyed, but she does, too, or she wouldn't be displaying such bizarre behavior. Bathroom lockups and sprays of water will only frighten her more. Here are some recommendations to modify her behavior and to regain your place on her A list:
- Sit with Laura on the rug or floor and tell your cat how she has become such a wonderful member of your family, so different from the agitated cat she was when you adopted her three years ago.
- While talking, take out one of her favorite toys (even a new one) and wave or toss in a casual way. Repeat a few times. Don't call her. Let her make the decision. I suggest you do this at least once or twice a day. No, she won't understand your words but will feel "acknowledged" and her tension will slowly decrease. It's your tone of voice and the relaxation of your body that will soothe her.
- James, feed her, as well as give her a bit of catnip once a day, which might help to chip away at her angst.
- If she likes to be brushed, Laura can start to brush her, with you sitting close by.
- My relaxation CD will relax her and give you endless behavioral tips. Refer to the top of this page for details.
Remember, you want to engage her from a distance, not actively pursue her. The subtler you are, the more enticed she will be. A cat is a subtle being except for when a cat chooses not to be ("Cats are a mysterious kind of folk. There is more passing in their minds than we are aware of" —Sir Walter Scott). James, good luck. Your kitty will slowly reclaim you as her best friend. You and Laura are her family.
SOPHIE, THE BUDDING AERIALIST
Hi Carole,
Sophie and Denzel are our two spayed and very adored cats. We adopted Denzel about a year ago so our two-year-old Sophie would have a companion. I can't say they're kissing kitties but they do run around and hang out together. Sophie has always slept with us, and with her unwelcoming actions, Denzel had kept her distance. But she has recently taken to sleeping at the bottom of our bed. Sophie hasn’t chased her off, but it could be because she's at the "top" of the bed next my husband or me. But I've noticed she sometimes puffs up her long body as Denzel settles in. Denzel simply closes her eyes and curls up. Be that as it may, we've noticed some stunning changes in Sophie's behavior. She's always been a climber and jumper. But now she's outdoing herself with a seven-foot combo climb leap. Could Sophie’s outrageous behavior be a reaction to Denzel’s joining us on the bed? We appreciate Sophie’s athletic ability, but we don't want her to feel jilted. What do you think?
Thanks,
H. M.
Hi Guardian H.M.,
Yes, your Sophie's aerial stunts seem to be her outlet for her inner mantra of "notice me," I'm the "top cat." I'll show you how high I can go! What's happened is as Denzel has gained more confidence, the boundaries have slowly, perhaps imperceptibly, changed. There's an easy way to get the relationship back on target before "it" or Sophie takes a slip.
- Before Denzel leaps or creeps on to the bed, tell Sophie how generous of her to let Denzel join you. As Denzel positions herself, tell Sophie, with Denzel on the bed, so she stays out of mischief. You get the idea. This acknowledges Sophie, and she feels empowered. She may not understand what you’re saying, but she'll get the feeling, and that's what counts.
- Take other opportunities to notice and acknowledge Sophie. You can certainly recognize and appreciate Denzel but mention Sophie's name so she doesn’t feel slighted. Her point of view is that she was there first, and so she was. The top cat has to feel "tops." No, you're not spoiling her. There's a line of hierarchy in all walks of life.
- You can also credit Sophie for Denzel's accomplishments, e.g., "Denzel, you're quite the cat. Sophie's a great producer."
You should notice some changes in Sophie within about two weeks. She may become oblivious when Denzel joins you at bedtime. But most of all, these recommendations will deter her from going over the top.
THE ELEPHANTS NEED YOUR HELP
You can help prevent the sale of elephant ivory. Please visit http://www.idausa.org
You can now follow Carole on Twitter.
QUESTIONS TO CAROLE
Please consult with your veterinarian first to make certain that your animal companion's problem is not due to any medical condition.
If you have a question for Carole, you can email her at thecattherapist@idausa.org. We're sorry that Carole won’t be able to answer all questions, but the answers to many questions can be found in her IDA archives.
Oscar the Cat Predicts Death
Oscar is the feline resident at a nursing home in Providence, Rhode Island who seems to have predicted the deaths of 25 of the residents. In case after case, when he has curled up next to someone, it usually means they have less than four hours of life left. I was interviewed about Oscar by NBC-TV. Read all about Oscar on their site. To watch my video, click here.
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