Carole is available for bi-coastal house calls, speaking engagements anywhere, phone consults nationally and internationally. She also sees patients by appointment at Westside Veterinary Center in Manhattan. Her latest book is The Complete Guide To Understanding And Caring For Your Cat. Her recently released CD of spoken cat advice and soothing music is Caring For Your Cat, The Wilbourn Way.
Come back to Carole's home page monthly for cat news and Carole's most recent replies to behavior inquiries from worried cat guardians. To have this home page emailed to you after the story update, click here. You will receive this exact page by email, and it will link you to the other pages in her site, and to the rest of the IDA web site.
THE WILBOURN WAY (AKA Cats on the Couch) May, 2010
THE MESSAGE IS IN THE SUBTEXT
A LURKING MOTIVE
I dare say my Orion looks elegant and inviting as he decorates my dry sink. But Orion has a motive. He’s waiting for me to retrieve his green ball from beneath the sink.
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY IN THE WHITE HOUSE
LET'S MOVE WITH THE BEST PHYSIQUE!
(Orion, a former rescue, will represent cats and offer nuggets of wisdom regarding Beau, the rescued First Dog—a Portuguese Water Dog.)
Orion wants Bo to know that as a feline activist in the First Lady's Let's Move campaign to fight childhood obesity, he feels that it's very important for him to be in dazzling physical shape, which you can see from his photo. The First Lady is indeed a powerful example for her campaign. Orion wants Bo to be the exemplar of the svelte canine. Go Bo!
PIP HATES FELIX
Hi Carole,
Could you please explain the following concept to me? I read in one of your books that when your cat doesn't want to accept another cat, you should ignore the obvious. Instead, you should put a positive spin on the situation. Tell your cat that it's so gracious and generous of him to accept another cat into his domain. This doesn't make any sense to me. I say this because of our adult cat Pip. He becomes maniacal whenever he sees Felix, the stray cat who hangs out on our outdoor porch. Pip really loses it when he knows that Felix is in our basement. Felix is a neutered male who was left behind a few years ago when his family moved away. We started feeding him about a year ago, and I put together a little house for him on our porch. He rarely uses it, even when the temperature is near frigid. I started letting him spend his nights in our furnished basement, and some nights I join him on the couch. By early morning, he's hot to return to the street.
He's an angel and gives no sign of aggression when Pip sounds off. I've tried them on either side of a glass-pained door so they could see each other without physical contact. Pip carried on so badly that I was never able to engage them in play. If I were to put a positive spin on Pip's obnoxious reaction to Felix's presence, what would I accomplish? Pip wouldn’t suddenly fall in love with Felix or even tolerate him. Are you trying to say that Pip understands what I’m saying? What don’t I get in your concept? By the way, I'd like it to work. I want so much for Felix to share our home. My partner reminds me that Felix appears to prefer life on the street and may not want to be a permanent member of our family. I'd appreciate any feedback.
Thanks,
Doris
Albany, N.Y.
Hi Guardian Doris,
To Pip, Felix represents a loss in his territory, including your relationship. Why should he have to share anything with this interloper? He feels out of control. Pip didn't invite Felix into his home. In fact, Pip’s threatened by his presence, which could mean "less" for Pip. So his reaction is to do whatever he can to revolt so Felix will disappear. Out of sight, out of mind, and the balance is restored.
Doris, if you verbally put Pip in control, the less he'll feel out of control and eventually feel more confident. As this feeling takes place, he'll slowly lose his fight Felix mode. You’re correct in that Pip doesn't understand your words when you speak, but he senses what you’re feeling by the way you're breathing, the tone and impact of your voice, and your body stance. That is how the animal world receives communication. Also, because he is familiar with how your entire being is when you communicate, he is very much in sync with what you give forth. So if you give credit to Pip for Felix's presence and include him verbally whenever you interact with Felix, he will feel in charge—that your relationship with Felix is an extension of his wishes, not yours.
Doris, you can be casual and low key when you refer to Felix. Don't try to convince Pip to accept Felix. If he feels manipulated, he will rebel. Whenever you interact with Felix, mention Pip’s name—even if you feel Pip can't see or hear you. He can "sense" you're deferring. His cat sense or radar is invincible—when he chooses it to be.
I hope this gives you a better understanding of The Wilbourn Way of integrating an adult cat into an adult cat household. The more you relax and take things in stride, the more Pip will unwind. Draw on your patience, and the principle that time takes time. Also, because Felix is a lover of street living, he may not be totally ready to adapt to a housecat's way of living, but it is worth a try to see if he can be seduced by the comforts of home.
MY FEMALE CAT FREAKED OUT
Hi Carole Wilbourn,
I have a neutered male and spayed female cat. They had a good relationship until I took the male in for surgery for his injured paw. When I brought him back home, his sister freaked out. She's become afraid of him and they’re always fighting. They're peaceful as long as I'm with them. Otherwise they start to fight, so most of the time they're separated. My parents are becoming annoyed, and I'm at my wit's end. I need your help.
Thanks,
Farah
Hi Guardian Farah,
When your male cat returned home, he smelled like an alien cat to your female. He smelled of "hospital" scents. She became threatened and fearful. He became "the enemy." I refer to this as post-vet angst. These recommendations should start to ease their angst:
- Put a screen or gate on the doorway of his or her room so they can see each other without physical contact. This will give them a chance to "act out" without any bodily harm. There may be loud hissing and meowing.
- Place their food on either side of the barrier so they will not be able to avoid seeing each other.
- Play with them on either side of the barrier to create a playful and safe feeling.
- Some catnip should help to relax them.
- Speak to them softly. Don't tell them they should be friends, but create a friendly atmosphere.
- The music on My Caring For Your Cat CD will ease their tension and the behavioral tips will increase your confidence. Refer to the top of this page for more information.
Farah, it may take a while before you can engage them in relaxed play. Once this is accomplished for at least a few days, you can remove the barrier for a short time. When you do this, distract them with a special toy. Repeat this two or three times a day and replace the barrier before they become anxious. It's important that you lead the way. Eventually, you will be able to remove the barrier permanently. Good luck with their peacemaking. Remember, Farah, time takes time.
MY KITTEN CAN'T HEAR
Hi Carole,
I adopted an eight-week-old kitten three days ago. And now I noticed she can't hear. Yesterday I took her to the vet to have her nails trimmed. She has ear mites and her ears were treated with an oily medicine. Poor Miss Lilly! I call her, clap my hands, and talk to her but she doesn’t acknowledge me. I love her and want to deal best with her hearing loss. My son mentioned he thought she had difficulty hearing before I took her to the vet.
Please help,
Charlotte
Hi Guardian Charlotte,
Thank you, Charlotte, for your caring concern for Miss Lilly. Please call and update the vet on your kitten's condition. The vet may want to see Miss Lilly again. Although your kitten can'st hear, she can feel vibrations. So you can tap on furniture or the floor nearest to her when you want to get her attention. The vibration of a loud bell may also resonate with her. Don’t worry. You'll do what's comfortable for your precious Miss Lilly.
THE ELEPHANTS NEED YOUR HELP
You can help prevent the sale of elephant ivory. Please visit http://www.idausa.org
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QUESTIONS TO CAROLE
Please consult with your veterinarian first to make certain that your animal companion's problem is not due to any medical condition.
If you have a question for Carole, you can email her at thecattherapist@idausa.org. We're sorry that Carole won’t be able to answer all questions, but the answers to many questions can be found in her IDA archives.
Oscar the Cat Predicts Death
Oscar is the feline resident at a nursing home in Providence, Rhode Island who seems to have predicted the deaths of 25 of the residents. In case after case, when he has curled up next to someone, it usually means they have less than four hours of life left. I was interviewed about Oscar by NBC-TV. Read all about Oscar on their site. To watch my video, click here.
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