“Today is step four—making your moral inventory,” announces your Carnivores Anonymous meeting’s leader.

Stomach churning, face flushing, sweat falling from your brow, you say silently to yourself, “Oh no, I can’t face my past behaviors and look at their negative impact on my life and the lives of others.” You take a long pause.

“Okaaaay, bring it on,” you say.

In medieval times, tales of dragons and dragon slayers were popular. In Carnivores Anonymous, the initial reaction to taking step four may seem just as ominous. It’s like entering a dragon’s lair, staring into her piercing red eyes. It’s no wonder we hesitate to explore our own dark cave.

Most people feel uncomfortable with this kind of analysis. Step four, however, which requires us to make a “searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves,” is a necessary step towards becoming self-aware vegans.

March right up! Hug shadows! Embrace your flaws! Stop running! Especially if character defects are deeply internalized, it’s even more important to step up into the dragon’s cave, becoming intimate with your fears, resentments, envies, and wrongdoings. If you still resist, they can tear you apart. The faster you flee--the shadow grows stronger and becomes tenacious.

Vegans and carnivores may harbor guiltily feelings about their behaviors around food (past and present), though they may not be fully conscious of these feelings. Many of us disassociate from the relationship between meat and cruelty.

But, to become truly awake, we must face our shadow. Taking a moral inventory- which means searching for motivations that drive actions and reactions- is a huge step in that direction. To heal the shadow self, you must stop running! Meet your dragon face-to-face. As you begin to chip away at self-delusion, you will move away from shame and into compassionate self-acceptance.

Entering the dragon’s cave is only the beginning. You don’t need to charge into the dragon’s lair, lance in hand. The dragon will find you! When the dragon arrives, supported by the twelve steps used in Carnivores Anonymous, you will greet her with a huge hug and no urge to run away screaming!

Learning to live without using animal products takes discipline and community support. Once addiction free, no longer trapped in perpetual craving, it becomes clear- it’s always been our choice.

Watch episode 4 of Vegan Cooking and Food Psychology here